How To Be Active In Active Parenting!

    This week I want to talk about how we can be an active parent instead of a reactive parent. When you are raising a child, you don't want to only react to what your child does. The purpose of parenting is to protect and provide for your children so they can be prepared in this world and the next. That is why taking an active part in raising your children is what I believe is a parents responsibility and duty to not only their child but to God.

    When you are raising a child they can get annoying, you can get frustrated with them and you may feel at your wits end but the child is acting that way for a reason and it is the parents responsibility to fulfill that need for their own children. For some reason in the world today parents believe that it is someone else's responsibility to raise their children for them and that if they act out or do something that the parents don’t like then it is someone else's fault, for example school teachers. This type of thinking is wrong! Parents it is not someone else’s duty to raise YOUR child. IT IS YOURS. So with that out of the way here are some things that can help you recognize why your child is acting out and how you can help them.

Child/Teens needs

• Contact, Belonging

• Contact is in my opinion one of the most important things that a child will ever need as they grow. You would be amazed how just interacting with a child will change how they act. If you talk with your child, hug them and just have daily interactions with them you will see a big difference in how your child acts. Even now Contact is important in our daily lives. Some of the worst punishments you can give someone is solitary confinement. Now if adults need contact and to interact with others how much more do you think a child needs it. 

• Power

• A child needs to feel like they have some say in what is going on in their life. Now that doesn’t mean that you should give them full rein. 

• Protection

• A child needs someone that will watch over and protect them. They need to feel that they are safe and that someone will have their back if something happens. 

• Withdrawal 

• Children sometimes just need to take a break. When they are doing something like cleaning, doing homework or weeding the garden for a long period of time it will do them some good to take a short break. This does not mean that they can abandon what they are doing. After the break they should finish what they were doing.

• Challenge 

• Children need challenges in their life. I know that some parents don’t like their children to have any challenges in their lives but that is actually a detriment to the child's development both for their future and spiritually.

Child’s mistaken approach

• Undue Attention Seeking

• This could be anything from acting out and getting in trouble on purpose to just acting really silly so that they can get attention from others. To these children that are not getting any contact or that feeling of belonging somewhere then even if it is negative attention they desire it. 

• Control others

• When they lack control they try to control others.

• Rebellion 

• When they feel like they have no say they want to fight back. I think of it as an animal that is usually harmless like a bunny that when they feel cornered they bite.

• Revenge

• When a child isn’t protected or feel protected they take that into their own hands.

• Undue avoidance

• A child will avoid doing difficult things and will withdraw in an unhealthy way.

• Undue risk taking

• When a child is not challenged they may go and find challenges on their own. This is usually males but it is not unusual for a female to take risks as well.

Parental Response

• Offer contact freely

• Remember this the next time you see your child acting out and think to yourself if you have spent any one on one time with them recently or if you have left them to fend for themselves because they are old enough and can take care of themselves.

• Learn to contribute

• You need to give them tasks and different things that they can do. Even when they are really young children love to help and you should build on that. I know that when they are that young it would just be quicker and easier to do it yourself but you should take these opportunities to let your child learn and grow. 

• Choices (situation appropriate and age appropriate)

• Consequences / Response-Ability 

• We want the children to learn from the natural consequences as much as possible.

• Except when something is

• Too dangerous

• Too far in future

• Harm someone else

• Assertiveness + Forgiveness

• Be there for your child and forgive them when they mess up.

• Take Break, then go again

• Take breaks with your children but then get right back into what you were doing.

• Encourage skill building

• Encourage your children to build on their skills and challenge them to grow.

Thanks for sticking with me till the end! I hope this helps you out with coming closer to your children and family. If you have any comments or questions let me know.