Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is really important in a marriage. It is one of those things that can brake a marriage apart or bring the husband and wife closer together. Talking about sex to your husband or wife can be really hard and uncomfortable but you need to do this. There are things that are fundamentally different between a man and a woman. I want to touch on some of the things that a lot of couples were never taught because parents, for the most part, do not talk about sex to their children. So when teens or even pre-teens don’t get answers from their parents they go out and find out what they want from other sources. Those other sources teach about sex in a very distorted way. You should be your child's main source of information. You should teach them about how men and women are different and use proper names for body parts not made up ones. 

Now men and women are different in many aspects. A lot of women believe that their husbands only think about sex and that is all he cares about. While the husbands believe that their wives don’t care about them and don’t love them because they will not have sex with them. This creates a great deal of conflict as you could guess. 

    One of the biggest reasons for this is because a husband has sex with his wife to feel safe, warm and close with her while the wife needs to feel safe, warm and close before she will get aroused and will even want to have sex. Also another reason is that men have a 2-3 day cycle to where women usually are on a 28 day cycle. We all know when that time of the month rolls around for the women that they act differently. One of the differences is that a couple days before is when a woman is most likely to desire sex. The man being on a 2-3 day cycle….. Well I think you all understand.(If not leave a comment and I will answer to the best of my ability)

So now both of you are ready for sex but your wife or you(as the wife) are never able to climax. This can put a strain on your relationship as well, even if this might not sound that important to some. What your parents never told you or at least everyone that I have ever talked to including myself have never been taught by our parents or guardians that men and women reach the height of arousal at different times. If you just have sex like the world always shows you it is supposed to be like, you will find it is greatly different then your expectations. The basics are that men get aroused faster than women do but women stay aroused longer than men and women can climax multiple times. 

In this simple graph you can see that if the husband just has sex according to his instinct and nature then he will have climaxed and be done before the wife has even been able to hit the height of her arousal. I believe that this is a wonderful opportunity for the husband to show his wife that he cares and loves her by taking the time to get her in the mood and getting her to climax as well. It was hard for me to believe the first time I heard how many women in marriage have never climaxed. Husbands when you slow down and take care of your wife you will gain satisfaction that you never knew you could. It has always fascinated me that men can get satisfaction by giving their wife satisfaction. It is really disappointing and saddening that the world wants us to objectify women or make men believe that women should reach climax just as fast as men but this is false and wrong! 

If you are in a marriage or a relationship with someone that has had experience with sexual abuse then treat them like a very precious gift. You treat her with care and have discussions and stay in constant communication with each other about what both of you would be comfortable with. If you have had sexual abuse then just remember that your partner may be  nervous as well. Your husband or wife will most likely not truly know what you feel or what you went through so I would recommend seeing a marriage therapist like that with your partner. If that is too daunting find one that you like and go by yourself until you are comfortable to bring them in with you.

Alright thanks for sticking around. I know that this blog was a bit more in depth then a lot of people are used to but it is important information to know. Please leave a comment if you have any questions or comments.